here, now and maybe later...

new.

2010-06-17T17:25:00.000-07:00

a lot has happened since my last post.

brian graduated.

we found out we are not going to amsterdam this fall. (its still a maybe -hopefully for the near future in our minds...)

i left my job.

we are moving to brooklyn in two weeks.

we have been interviewing for jobs, looking for apartments and trying to just go with it.

brian has been at a residency in vermont, and i have been visiting on the weekends.

oh man. lots o stuff!

i will post some pictures and let you know some more details soon. next time from brooklyn! holla. :)

Pollifax Music Videos!

2010-04-12T18:45:00.000-07:00

Please check out the following link to the music collaboration I did with Pollifax in New Brunswick a few weeks ago!

http://www.pollifax.com/020_Lorah_L_S_Campbell.html

march madness!

2010-03-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

oh my goodness. so many things are happening.

and not happening...

we have had three groups of visitors since my last post. Suuuper fun. let me just say that you can't get much better then having people that you love continually come to see you and then having a BLAST with them in the best city in the world. can't beat that really. nope.

brian had his thesis show. it was up (and post yesterday) is down. the picture above is his AMAZING UNBELIEVABLE SPECTACULAR drawing called "the complex". and those adorable children are the twins (leorah and isaiah) of our dear friends the roebers. oh how we love that family. so proud of mr. campbell. i wish everyone could have seen this in person. it's completely mind blowing.

so our life is seemingly full to the brim with happenings and responsibility and joy and most other things you could imagine. well, maybe that's too far. but its really really good and rich and really demanding. let's put it that way.

and meanwhile, behind the scenes there is something brewing. and we are still waiting to see what that is. and might i say, getting a bit impatient. i mean, we are potentially moving back to ohio in less then three months to potentially be moving to another country in two...but we don't know for sure yet...what the *%#@ is that?

things have been so busy in our world. we feel like we are juggling more than ever! and we don't even have kids! :) me oh my....

we have been trying to engage with this Lenten season in a new way. we feel there is a never ending list of things to pray/think about / dwell in...sometimes i wonder if we are meant to have those disappear-into-a-forest-or-desert-times-to-be-refined-and-pray-about-the-gazillion-things-you-always-intend-to-cover-in-prayer-but-can't-seem-to-find-the-time-to-engage-with-in-the-way-you-want-or-feel-is-necessary....

~sigh~ i promise there will be more to come. lots more. :)

music video for "glow"

2010-02-17T17:45:00.000-08:00

even though we are going to reshoot the pollifax videos i was collaborating on, this was one that turned out from our session in january. it was shot by kevin de wilde, and turned out great, i think!

http://vimeo.com/9518376

underneath things

2010-02-11T05:49:00.001-08:00

underneath things we are all pretty fragile. in some sense at least.

there are those certain people or ideas or dreams that really get to you. every time. especially when it all comes down.

i have been having those things pressed upon, shaped and challenged a lot lately in me. i entered 2010 with thoughts and worries whirling around in a constant cloud instead of enjoying the ambiguity of what could happen. instead of dreaming and trusting and soaking in the presence that is always promised to me. i (sadly) do that most of the time when it comes down to it...at least about the things that are most dear to me.

so being challenged is good, because i need to grow up in that area, right?

but as always, He has proved Himself faithful and continues to lift those weights off of me, and the veil comes off and i realize how much time i waste in anxiety. because He is good. all the time. all of the time He is good.

in between and within those thoughts, quite a few things have been happening. brian puts up his thesis show next week! i cannot believe that time is here. we have officially been in new jersey for a year and a half and one of the culminating things of our time here is now occurring.

so exciting! you would not believe these drawings. they are unreal. literally. i wish that everyone could be at this opening on march 3rd. i am so proud of brian and so excited for everyone to see his work.

music is going well in my life, which continues to be a huge blessing. my kiddos at work are getting bigger and i learn form them most every day. we got news that brian is in the final 20 for the fulbright grant we applied to for amsterdam. he has now officially finished applying for all residencies and grants (at least until he graduates).

so the cards are on the table and we are just waiting.

instead of being anxious and doubting what He will provide for us, i am trying (sometimes in skipping steps, sometimes in heavy, slow ones) to remember what He has done. He has done more in our short lives then we could have ever imagined. He is better and more generous then we could ever be. and whenever i remind myself of those things, i simply cannot wait to see what He is going to do in the next few months. underneath, and all around.

(the pictures are from brian's birthday, one of my little girls enjoying painting with chocolate and a new drawing.)

also here is a link to some of my songs:

http://www.ilike.com/artist/Lorah+Campbell

music site and other updates!

2010-01-05T17:18:00.000-08:00

holey moley, it's been too long!

i cannot believe december came and went and now we are in 2010.

crazy.

first things first. i have FINALLY made a facebook music page. and i am really proud of its content. :)

brian and i even took pictures on a snowy day in the park for it. (we wanted some visual imagery to go alongside the sonic) it was fun. and i am pretty excited. its funny how something like this gets you more inspired and engaged to create. but that is exactly what it does.

and here is the link:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lorah-L-S-Campbell/230309442181?ref=ts

please check it out and let me know what you think. i am always wanting feedback.

and i am hoping to be adding/ changing things regularly. and am also hoping to play out around here once and awhile!

so there are lots of things flying around in my head and in life right now.

in short here are some happenings and to be's:

1. i've been making some new friends (to add to the ones who are already marvelously and richly in my life). it has been such a blessing. god has placed each person in my life to add such depth and color to the world around me and i am super grateful. coffee, thrifting, mexican food, music...lots of talking and laughing. if i could only bridge all of these people in my heart to one another...and then connect everyone in one physical place. that would be a dream.

2. we've had more visitors and there are more to come this year! it is so marvelous. i am going to sit down and reminisce about everyone that has made the journey here one day...

i told brian today that we need to always live in a place people want to come to. we both think the number of visits would decrease rapidly if we lived in... lets say omaha...or maybe santa claus, indiana...

i mean, we know our friends love us, but who wants to come to dryersville, iowa? ha. :)

3. christmas. ah, the joy of christmas. we always feel like we rush it a bit too much. and we wish we spent more time with the One who matters most of all...but this christmas was still wonderful. we loved seeing our fam and friends in ohio and spending time with ones here. we had luxurious meals and extended hang outs with refreshing people.

(by the way my kids at kinderprep missed me a ton over xmas break. i heard that they kept asking their moms to call me to set-up a play-date with me during the two weeks we were off. super cute, right?)

4. brian is wonderful. and fabulous and fun and just nice. all the time. (well most all of the time)

i had great time with him during the past month. and he helps me and encourages me in most everything i do and think about. he is the best blessing of 2009. and of my life in general.

all of which which brings me to this thought:

brian graduates in 5 months.

which means we are up in the air about what we are doing after in about 6 months. we have a ton of "we hope" and "we pray" and "that would be so awesome we can't even fathom" its. but we are just waiting. and praying. and working our tails off (brian especially with his thesis and everything) to try to get something to work out.

if you are the praying kind, please pray about that. that would be much appreciated.

but things are good and i am anticipating the things to come. (usually with excitement and thankfulness. sometimes with anxiety. what are you gonna do?)

sketches on songs

2009-11-23T15:49:00.000-08:00

there is a lot going on. it has been such a busy fall! there have been many awesome moments.

and there is presently ALOT going on in my head. more then i could articulate. the thoughts are in that "oh-my-goodness-what-exactly-am-i-thinking-i-keep-getting-distracted-from-figuring-it-out-and-by-the-time-am-back-to-thinking-there-is-oh-so-much-more-to-think-about" phase. but the sun and moon are still in the sky, god is good and love is all around, so i know it will all work out. :)

side note, i am going to be performing next weekend. at an event called arthouse. my friend pilar is going to harmonize with me, and i think it's going to be great.

i am excited. :)

and i finally decided to post some of the songs i have been working on. because i cannot do it on this blog, i will be starting a music blog in the next couple of weeks. i will make sure to let you know when it's up and ready!

i hope your fall has been full and rich, and that all our hearts are being prepared to enter into the christmas season.

(by the way, we have been to amazing, inspirational concerts this fall...DM Stith and Devendra were just amazing. and we were just in new york last night walking and watching ice skating the park and going to the chelsea market...oh how i love new york.)

Here are a couple of songs i have seen live in the past month. enjoy!

DM Stith - Around the Lion's Legs

http://www.imeem.com/people/P1lqUax/music/6Dm5EHZB/dm-stith-around-the-lion-legs-feat-sufjan-stevens-shara/

Devendra Banhart - Angelika

http://www.imeem.com/devendrabanhart/music/KEC5iqwR/devendra-banhart-angelika/

fun october fact about seventh ave.

2009-10-07T15:23:00.000-07:00

we have a chinese chestnut tree in our front yard. and the chestnuts are ripe and ready to go.

or so i found out today.

you see, for the last couple of weeks, there have been some strange goings-on in our front yard. and the number of happenings has seemingly been increasing.

i started seeing an older chinese woman with a baby in a stroller in our front yard apparently looking in our bushes with a stick and walking around the perimeter of our yard, everyday at about 4pm.

then we started to see small groups throughout the day doing the same thing. weekdays, weekends, ever increasing.

we didn't really ask why, we just figured they knew our landlord and/or each other and our front yard was as good of a place as any to hang out.

then last night there was a family of four at 9pm with a rope slung about in the tree, and a couple of large buckets, in the dark, silently pulling on the rope and then stopping when we drove by. it was then that we started to think that something special was in the tree. the prickly things that brian was enjoying smashing on our way indoors must be something other than what we thought.

and at 6:30am this morning when i was leaving for work, and older chinese woman was in the front yard in the dark, with tte aid of a pin light putting these prickly treasures into her plastic bag.

brian did research and within minutes found out that what is on our front yard are coveted chinese chestnuts.

after talking with my co-worker, i guess that this kind of thing (the coming to your yard at all hours of the day and night to gather things like these, laden with ropes and buckets and bags) is quite normal around here.

two new drawings

2009-09-28T17:48:00.000-07:00

here are two relatively new drawings.

i wish i had some music to post, but the tunes are still in the works. they are coming along, though. i hope to have something completed later this fall!

(i have not posted in a long time, i know. it has been a whirlwind of life here in the jers. sorry for the two month hiatus!)

wishing you rich fall days! more tales to come soon.

all in green my love went riding...

2009-07-31T09:48:00.000-07:00

"all in green my love went riding
on a great horse of gold into the silver dawn..."

i was just re-reading some of e.e.cummings poems from tulips & chimneys...oh the wonder of e.e.cummings work. it always takes me somewhere else. makes me slow down, admire, dissect the words and spaces between. i start to look at my surroundings a little differently. if only i thought about my words and utilized them the way a poet does...but of course i usually am too quick to speak, and can struggle to communicate what i really want to say. at least in the heat of the moment. the blinding light of self-righteousness...
and i wistfully dream about really cherishing moments. fully living in them and knowing them and making them these sacred happenings that can be unique and amazing. i think e.e. cummings poetry often describes those kinds of moments to me.

here is another i was admiring:

i have found what you are like

i have found what you are like
the rain

(Who feathers frightened fields
with the superior dust-of-sleep. wields

easily the pale club of the wind
and swirled justly souls of flower strike

the air in utterable coolness

deeds of green thrilling light
with thinned
newfragile yellows
lurch and.press
--in the woods

which
stutter
and sing

and the coolness of your smile is
stirringofbirds between my arms;but
i should rather than anything
have(almost when hugeness will shut
quietly)almost,
your kiss

music to my ears

2009-07-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

drum roll please....i am making music again.

nothing much yet. just a couple of ideas for songs recorded right now. nothing really that worked out...

but i am having fun and feeling creative and connected to this in a way i haven't in a LONG time.

the last few years, i have focused most of my creative energy on my drawings, which was very rewarding for me, and i don't regret it at all. but i have wanted so badly to be writing songs, and wanting to find a way to blend the visual things i love with music during this time, too. i tend to be pretty hard on myself with any musical output in general. this time around, instead of letting that keep me at square one, i decided i would just experiment and do some of the things i think about, and not care too much what the outcome was. i tried my hand at writing some new poetry (not so successful) and also picked up an old hymn book for inspiration (much more successful).

and i am hoping that this has started a new leaf in my creative life. that these lazy summer months (where most everyone we live life with here in NJ are gone...yikes!) would be more than time drifting by...if there's anything worth posting here, i will do that.
cheers to new leaves!

asking for things that seem too good to believe

2009-06-06T10:42:00.000-07:00

(the first is four of my kids taken this week, the next two are pictures from amsterdam, and the last two are from our short time in lisbon, portugal.)

it's hard to believe we have been back from amsterdam for two weeks.

two weeks since we were living with brooke and allie (who couldn't have been better hosts and room mates). two weeks since adventures and laughter with the larsens and the rest of the wonderful people living there. days away from eating dutch apple cake, while watching people from all over the world meandering down the street. and thousands of miles away from riding bicycles through old cobbled alleys, by ingenious houseboats and canals and through markets teaming with life. two weeks since. in many ways it feels like we were just there, and in others, it feels far away...isn't it always like that when you travel somewhere that is different, but close to your heart?

our time there was kind of dream-like when we look back on it. not because we were totally wrapped up in the romance of being there (which at times we were), or because we couldn't fathom anything like that happening to us again (the opposite actually). we feel like we fell into a rhythm there. one that felt kind of strange to leave. one that felt so peaceful and natural we have a hard time explaining it to anyone, other than to say we want to live there. we prayed for things to be clear to us while we were there. and we feel like they were. in one of those god ways that is hard to confuse or make-up, even when you try. but there's an irony in feeling like we want to ask for something that seems to good and too big to actually work out. how could we ask for more when we've been given so much...?

but now we are back in nj. and feeling very comforted and thankful for our life here. our friends missed us while we were gone. and we missed them. we know the flow of our life here, and feel useful, which continues to amaze me, as we've only been here such a short time really. and we get to go back to ohio in a couple of weeks, do that easy 8 hour drive to see some of the people that are nearest to our hearts, and share our days with them in really physical ways that we no longer take for granted.

and though amsterdam does feel a bit further away (it should, because technically it is, right?), we do still feel a strong desire and purpose that we felt while we were there. while living daily here. it's weird balancing-act, but we are praying for grace to do it well. fully knowing that ambiguity will be a dominant player in how these desires are going to work out during the next year. (and we are praying for it to be worked out in a year. hopefully it won't take longer then that...)

on another note, it's the end of the school year for me. i have successfully finished a full year of teaching 8 three year olds (who are now turning four!), and didn't reach my limit, or fail terribly enough to lose my job, or realize that i am god-awful at teaching...which feels to be quite a feat in itself. i can't quite believe it when i think about it...

and we are amazed at the fact that we have been here almost one full year. one year spent further away from our friends and family then we have ever been. one year into building a new life from ground up, making new friends, finding new joy and challenges...

and hey, we are doing really well! amazing, right? we had no idea how it would go...but i will tell you that god is better then i ever think he'll be. more gracious, more generous, and has much bigger things in mind than my small things that always seem so big to me.

haven't had much to say

2009-05-02T08:19:00.000-07:00

(three paintings that i love by Peter Doig. just because.)

so i keep waiting for something to appear in my brain that i am captivated by and inspired to write a blog entry about...

but this has not occurred. i know it's been a month and a half since i have last written. many things have happened. two more sets of visitors have come, brian is now done with his first year of school, i am almost done with my first year of teaching.

but still, i just don't have very much to say. i usually do person to person, but not person to blog. must be one of those seasons.

(we are going to amsterdam in two weeks, though! cannot WAIT. and i am sure i will have plenty to say once we return from there...!)

and i leave you with this: (wonderful song, take a listen)

http://hypem.com/track/705352/The+Welcome+Wagon-Up+On+A+Mountain

ready for spring.

2009-03-26T16:15:00.000-07:00

things have been great in the campbell household lately.

a bit crazy, but....

i guess just busy. through the first phase of adjustment. onward and upward 8 months into it.

which we have gone in and out of business since our move, but some of this is a new kind of busy.

the kind where we are getting more ingrained, involved, committed to our life here. which is both great and kinda weird at times. but not weird very often. mostly great. i would say...70 to 30. :)

great, as in, full and blessed, but stretching and challenging more muscles. we are SO a work in progress, right! i have been able to use some of my strengths in new ways. i have also found things that used to come so naturally to me have gotten a bit rusty. and then there's the new things.

at times i feel like the cat in the hat balancing some plates while riding a unicycle with those crazy hair creatures waiting for the cue to come a juggle around me.

but then i talk to a couple of good friends from here and home who do WAY more than me, and have WAY more on their already full plate and i am reminded of how my plate can and should get bigger, even when the stretching hurts at first, it brings a usefulness and fullness to my life that is so empty when i am not willing and open with all of me. then i see the light, fall short, get stronger, get weaker, get inspired and am longing for the cohesive seamlessness in my sometimes disparate interests and life happenings...

but it's so good really. and i am so thankful for the pouring out of goodness.

my job has gotten better and easier. or maybe i have just gotten a bit better at my job. we have good friends here. the kind we would miss if we left. the kind that make us better people. more than we asked for or thought we could find after leaving what we left in ohio. (our standards are THROUGH the ROOF with the example of quality and quantity of friends and amazing people in cbus...)

we feel we are getting more direction with things we are currently doing, and want to do. we have a lot of questions, the kind that can't be answered just yet, or maybe will take a long time to answer. but we are trusting that those things will get figured out. (and in the moments of not trusting, we remember the trusting times, and try to remind ourselves to let go.)

but there's goodness that surpasses my not goodness. my not-feeling-it-today-want-to crawl-in-a hole-falling-so-short-feeling-overwhelmed days. my open hands but clenched fingers days. and that is so great. more great and any great that could be talked about. completely magnificent. and for this i am SO thankful.

(pics of when kirsta and kyle visited are above. they couldn't be more of the great things we are thankful for. one of the best things in our life.)

it covers the hillsides.

2009-02-18T16:52:00.000-08:00

we made a surprise visit to columbus this past weekend. it was so refreshing... and just a gift. there is something about connecting these two places on a whim that makes our life feel more cohesive. and it's so awesome that we can do that! there might be a time in our life where that is much harder to do than take a long weekend car-ride to connect things...

but when we come back here...i always wish in a more raw way for the two to be one...the kind where you feel the rawness in your chest, aching-like...

but in the car i was reminded of my thankfulness. i was listening to a new music mix, with my wonderful, dreamboat husband on my way to see and spend time with some of the people that are nearest and dearest in my heart; it was sunny and snowy and we were driving through the mountains in pennsylvania. it looked like a hudson river school painting. brian and i were talking and just stopped to admire how majestic everything looked. purplely-pink, low contrast lighting, and rolling hillsides with trees, and small houses, and little cows dotted along...

i am thankful for this time of life. though the newness can be hard to swallow sometimes, i am thankful for the more time, for the new faces, new surroundings. my life has started to meld and mend into something that makes more sense in a bigger way. my following and wandering and waiting are bringing peace and joy to me lately. i feel like the pink sunlight that was covering the hillsides has been seeping into me as well.

things from our new life.

2009-02-12T19:04:00.000-08:00

snow.

2009-02-04T10:44:00.000-08:00

snow is magical. there is something about it that makes everything different.

i am re-reading "snow" by orhan pamuk. i like to read it during the wintry season, because the breathtaking descriptions in the book come alive in such an amazing way when it is actually snowing outside. (try it sometime. you won't regret it.)

we had this gorgeous snowfall last night. it covered everything in a blueish-white, fluffy powder: trees, cars, streets, people. throughout the book "snow" the main character Ka, connects God to snow. what it is, what it looks like, what it does to a situation; to who god is, what god makes things look like, or what god does. the magical, mysterious quality of it. it covers over our dirtiness, the things we do to our environment, both good and bad. everything changes shape completely when covered, and sound is suddenly softened. the tiniest movements are easier to focus on. snow makes everything appear to have a sameness and cohesiveness that isn't there after it melts...

i think people that don't like snow are missing out.

i'll try to post some pictures i took last night. :)

2009-01-14T17:38:00.000-08:00

to be honest, this has been kind of a long week. maybe you have had one of those, too...

but here are some uplifting tidbits from the kids at school:

1. my kids like my clothes. you know you are doing something right (or maybe a little nutty, depending on how you look at it) when a lot of two and three year old girls like your sweaters and earrings, because of how sparkly, bright or big they are...yes some of my clothes are similar to those that i wore when i was five...

2.you learn how serious you are when you are around a bunch of children all day. i think i am pretty jovial, pretty fun and interesting. but there are those days when i can't seem to hold anyone's attention, and whatever i have planned from them to do is nowhere near as captivating as running around in circles or slamming a micro-machine into the wall...

i still have a lot to figure out.

i find myself dialoging (with yours truly) in my head during those times, "you need to lighten up...what could possibly change this situation to make the odds in your favor...what exactly am i missing here...?" not very many answers yet.

some quotes from the week:

1. (in response to me saying, "you are getting to be so grown-up!")

"usually i am a big boy, but sometimes i still poop in my pants. big boys might not do that too much, right?"

2. (in response to a conversation concerning winter animals, antarctica and humans freezing without special gear if they set foot in antarctica, unlike the winter animals that live there)

- me, "what keeps a whale warm in arctic temperatures?

- my class, "the ice, pizza, running around and a house"

- me, "what could we do if we went outside on a sunny day?"

- a little boy (with fair skin in my school), " the sun is hot. the sun will burn you. it is hot. the

sun will make you hurt and it is really hot."

as you can tell this either happened, or a parent is trying to prevent it from happening.

3. (this one happened last week) "when i grow up i need to get big. big muscles. right now all the ladies think i am pretty cute, but i need some big muscles if that's gonna happen when i'm older."

and with that, i leave you.

2009-01-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

"if you want to sing out, sing out

and if you want to be free, be free

'cause there's a million things to be you know that there are..."

oh cat stevens. or should i say yusuf islam. :) been listening a lot to him lately. such great stuff for the heart. :)

speaking of hearts, mine is breaking for palestine. i heard on the news today that red cross/red crescent keeps finding in the rubble and desecrated villages along the gaza strip, not bodies of palestinian soldiers (which would be heartbreaking enough), but of women and children. and the few that are still alive are little children that are sitting by their mothers who are no longer living, and they are so wounded and starved that they cannot walk. schools and homes are bombed out, not army territory. and no aid is getting through to these areas. and the death toll keeps climbing.

something needs to be done. god of mercy who forgives me, forgive this and heal this land.

brown paper packages tied up with string...

2008-12-12T14:55:00.000-08:00

breathe...

advent! SO exciting!

the campbells have been getting into the christmas spirit! oh, yes, would you expect any less? i have tried out baking christmas cookies with a friend, done a christmas craft night, made our christmas cards, gone into the city with friends to see the rockefeller christmas tree, finished our christmas shopping, bought our own tree and hung the paper snowflakes. and we have also been just hanging out in a city we love a lot as frequently as we can. i included some pics. (the peta coyne bird installation shots are for kirsta...)

i love this season. i am trying to celebrate more intentionally and deeply what this season is about. the divine hours has a special advent devotion each day....love the divine hours.

and i cannot WAIT to celebrate with friends and family in two short weeks! seriously SO exciting. can hardly contain it!!

so love, peace and joy be yours this christmas season!!! almost there....

2008-11-29T15:34:00.000-08:00

ok.

so sometimes you have to realize that you might not turn out to be a world-changing revolutionary.

or someone who can speak ten languages, or who discovers how to access the fourth dimension, or something.

or maybe you can't even do half of the things in life that you dream of doing.

which can be kind of disheartening if you are that person, the one that wishes you were a revolutionary.

i think i might be coming upon a new direction in my life. i mean, my direction is always for my king, but i mean something seems to be brewing lately about what i will be doing or how i will be doing "it".

(on a side note, i am learning how to knit 3-D objects. FINALLY. and i did a drawing that i put in an open show that is going to be in soho in two weeks at artists space gallery. anyone can be in the show, and i am one of those anyones. i think more galleries should be that way. no more of this "you can and you can't" stuff, right? we might need some of that, but because of the lack thereof this time i'm included!)

maybe i won't be a revolutionary (which i might dream of for a LONG time to come), but i pray i am who i was made to be. i pray i don't get caught up in this world's hoopla too much, and that i keep my eyes on what is important and real, and act with integrity and purpose. even if that means i cannot be the one who learns how to travel in the fourth dimension, i'll be who i am supposed to be, right? and i have to remember that that's better anyways.

thankful.

2008-11-24T19:23:00.000-08:00

here are some pictures from brian's show, jimmy, random chinese man in the park in chinatown, and the kids are our friends ruth and blake's twins isaiah and leorah...

i am thankful. for my husband and our gift of a companionship and marriage. for our friends and family and little new jersey apartment. for my breath and life and gifts and dreams and failures (though those are sometimes the hardest to see the silver lining in, right?...)

millions live on less than a dollar a day. and millions more on only $2. women and girls all over the world have no opportunity of education, and here i am with an education, and on top of that a job and health and love and life...and i am remembering to be thankful, which i want to remember with more intimacy, depth and frequency.

on another note, i asked my kids today to name the things they are most thankful for. here's what they said:

leila - "my family", samantha -" my teacher, family and house", willem- "pumpkin pie", sophia - "room and bed", matthew-"closing my eyes at night-time", alex -'knights with swords and superman", brayden- "chicken nuggets and bunk beds". priceless.

2008-11-11T17:24:00.000-08:00

changed the name of my blog. i am thinking about beyond the "now" but not in the same ways i have in the past. i am pretty fully in the "here" in most senses. i am certainly physically "here" and mentally more "here" than anywhere else. i am one of those people that is usually not "here". i usually struggle to be in the moment. that is one thing that is currently being changed in me (yay, finally...!). i mean, as much as something can be changed in the last year, which i think is a lot, but maybe i am young and naive....probably, right?

but instead of most always being beyond "now", i am here and now, maybe later, too.

birthday fun and halloween.

2008-11-04T14:44:00.000-08:00

The first two pictures are from my preschool's halloween party.

The last three are from a bike ride in princeton brian planned for my bday. :)

so many thoughts.

2008-10-27T19:28:00.001-07:00

i am a thinker. and i would like to think a do-er as well. but i am definitely one who thinks a lot.(i often think that i think too much...and would like to dream a bit more)

lately i have been thinking about what i want to be when i grow up. i have been growing up for awhile, but can't seem to figure out just what i want to do.

do i want to spend my time creating music and art? why, yes. of course.

do i want to love on children? (hopefully my own someday as well as other peoples) completely yes.

do i want to live in a culture other than my own, and learn another language? i certainly think i do.

do i want to teach and learn for the rest of my life? how can i be the best wife, friend and servant possible and do all of these things? certainly not by my own strength. i fail miserably every time i try to do it that way...

i am ok with thinking a lot. as long i don't over-do the thinking. and i pray that i become as much of a do-er as i am a thinker.

(and i am REALLY thinking about obama becoming our president. only 6 more days...)

some of my favorite things

2008-10-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

just thinking about some things from this past summer and fall. (and i looked at allie's blog this morning, and she had the same entry..weird...people get on the same wave-length curing this season i think. it must be that death, birth, renewal thing, right?)

oh, and by the way we are doing well. we have lots'o'visitors lately (which has been so fun!) and teaching is going well for both brian and myself. our household convos are surely interesting.

(example: brian, "i showed my class today slides of robert smithson, and we talked about their reactions to thinking that his moving dirt into a large spiral within a lake and taking a photo of it was drawing or not." me, "our theme this week was fall harvest and i hid nuts all over the room and the kids had to act like squirrels and find and bury the nuts for the winter. but it ended up that many forgot why they were finding the nuts in the first place and either wanted the ones their friends' had found, or were trying to eat the nuts whole (until we quickly cracked them open) or just lost interest completely...")

totally silly, right? i do feel thankful that we are keeping in touch with both worlds of thought and experience! which might be hard to do if we had other circumstances...

my favorite season.

2008-09-29T18:02:00.001-07:00

fall is my absolute favorite.

i love everything about it. the weather, the colors, the food...

brian and i talk about how it is interesting that leaves and weather are so beautiful (the most beautiful, in my opinion) right before they die. how that's what fall is; things dying to give way to new life later in the year. but everything seems so utterly different than what i think something dying would be like. yet, every year i am astounded with the things that happen all around me. and i could look at it as nature just running it's course, but it's so much more than that to me.

we have been here two months. two whole months.

i was thinking the other day about friends that live abroad, and the processes they have to go through to adjust. (we aren't really going through those same processes living in new jersey, of course. which i am reminded of all the time... how different it would be moving cross culturally then moving to new jersey...) but we are still adjusting. only two months. seems like way longer most of the time. but now it's fall and i cannot believe all that has happened already.

i feel like we are sifting through this huge pile of golden wheat. that we are, much of the time, getting somewhere and really sorting through the good and the bad. that we are growing and learning. that we are seeing things in a new way, and there are so many new gifts that we are given each day through the process. the wheat (as it were) is so useful and can be so interesting to look at. but can be so heavy and overwhelming (when it's in a pile, especially)...

so learning how to focus on the pieces that are in front is still where i am at. and really figuring out how to best use those here and now will take me awhile i think. but hopefully not too much of awhile...

oh, and above are pics of NYC and my school.

things in our sight lately

2008-09-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

it feels like i don't have enough time anymore.

my first conclusion is that i am not used to working full-time, which cannot be the case, as i have been doing such for four years now...but i just am not fully adjusted to my new schedule. (i think brian agrees)

it has been a really busy couple of weeks. i have learned the following:

1. new jersey drivers will always honk at and yell at you unless you have a tri-state area license plate...so there will be lots more to come of that for us.

2. it's expensive to live in new jersey. you are close to MANY things, but they all cost money.

3. you can interrupt as many times as you want in a conversation with someone from new jersey, to relate or show that you are listening (which they also do to you). i have found this to be sometimes fun and sometimes jarring in a conversation.

4. you shouldn't drop your phone in yogurt the same week your husband's phone's battery dies. you will not have an easy time communicating with the people you love and miss with no phone.

the above pictures are from: the beach, a library at georgetown we visited while visiting our friends michelle and joel and also a basilica there that is really welcoming to internationals at catholic university, a new pic of my polaroid wall i am pretty excited about, and a picture of brian's toy shelf he is really excited about.

love you and missing you friends and family.

where we lay our crowns.

2008-09-03T18:40:00.000-07:00

so often i own the things i hope for. or am good at. or just things about me that make me who i am. i have been realizing lately all of the things that i wrap my identity up in, and how those things change or can so easily be taken out of context...

and mostly of how i need to lay my crowns, all of my hopes and dreams, all of the things i have been made to be or wish to be, at the feet of the king, and only at his feet. and how each time i take them away from there is a step (or a leap) away from all things good, all things full and right.

so i am working on that. :)

and, by the way, i had a first full day of school today. it was a good day. :) i have a lot to learn, but i think i will be a good teacher. :) i have some pictures that i took of the kids, but they are polaroids, so i will have to scan them in. and brian and i went to the beach on labor day. it was awesome. beach time in new jersey, who knew?

one other update that is also awesome, are the friends we have been meeting here. i get lonely pretty fast i have hence realized upon moving. within days of kirsta and kyle leaving (yea, probably right away) i was totally and utterly missing friends. and god is good (all the time, right? when will i trust that...) we met some. ALREADY. and they are better than i expected. the two we are closest to are also the closest in distance to us (they live a block away). their names are ruth and blake (and isaiah and leiorah their twins!) just a short story of how we met them (and there have been so many meetings like this! both in brian's grad program and outside of it! it sometimes seems like all of this was set-up for us beforehand...)

we went to visit a church, thought it was ok, were walking out, a guy walks up to us and starts talking. turns out he is a professor at rutgers (we find out later through our new friend blake that this guy, whose name is dean, is one of the most renowned living philosophers in the world today! he teaches at rugters, and is one of the heads of the doctorate program there) and he, his wife tammi and their kids take us to lunch. at which we find out that he also collects punk and jazz records (like over 4000 records, people. we have been to their house and seen them. brian was in HEAVEN. drinking bourbon and listening to records with dean. couldn't be more perfect) AND he collects comic books...so wait, lets get this all in one sentence. the first person we meet at church in new jersey is a philosophy professor who collects punk and jazz records, and comic books, who loves jesus and his family...and he kind of looks like neil young and john lennon. amazing. so anyway, dean and tammi take us to get some thai food, and then after a fun lunch, ask us if we would like to meet some people in our neighborhood. to which we of course say "yes please. we have no friends here. " and they say, " there is a couple that moved a block away from you last night, and we were going over to say hi. do you want to come, too?" so we went over un-announced with people we had just met two hours before to met other people we didn't know who had just moved the night before, who were named ruth and blake. and now we're friends. and they are truly wonderful.

good story, huh?

clouds of hope.

2008-08-28T12:15:00.000-07:00

i have gotten SO much new music lately and it's pretty fantastic. those of you who like my mix cds, beware...

i also have been listening to some denison witmer tunes the past week a lot. his music holds a lot of memories for me (most of them have kirsta in them!) from a long time ago...but good stuff nonetheless. "...you were waving flags that bare the colors of your love i didn't know. orange is for the vineyards, blue is for the rivers. green goes like a hillside covered now. white is not surrender despite what you've been told, it's clouds of hope. that fall on you now. save you now..." good stuff. :)

on another note, some quotes from my kids the past week:

-"miss lorah your hair doesn't look like hair, it looks like a helmet. why?"

-"where are your earrings from? where are you from? where is your family? where is ohio? is ohio in the sky?"

-"train conductors won't take people on the trains who throw woodchips, right miss lorah? (as you can tell i was trying to clear up a fight of woodchips...)

and it's only been a couple of days of working. awesome. :)

at the top are some of pics of brian in his new studio, of the jersey shore and NYC (one thing is for sure. being this close to one of the best cities in the whole world is so amazing.) and a pic of our dear friends april and jay when visited us!

more later!

"if you knew Time as well i as i do,' said the Hatter, 'you wouldn't talk about wasting it..."

2008-08-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

just so i don't waste time, i decided to start a blog.

plus we moved far away...

and i needed some new ways to process...

and finally give some details to the brave few who have the time to read them...(oh the days of the ohio office job...i had so much time to read blogs...)

we are now moved. i have enclosed some pics of our apartment. we are adjusting. brian starts school in a week, and i start working in a week as well (i am going to be teaching art, reading, math and science to three-year olds...! holy-crap! i am totally in the dark, going to be learning everything anew...how did that happen...?) let's just say, we do circle-time everyday where we sing "good morning to you, good morning to you, we are all in our places with sun-shiney faces" and then the kids go around the circle and say how they are doing, and many of them answer "my name is ____, and i am super-duper happy today!" wonderful. how can i get caught up in my insecurities when i have kids around me everyday singing about sunshine and totally full of happiness? god is good. :) i will have many stories from school, i am sure.

brian is super excited to start school. he's going to be amazing. this program is just awesome and we have already been meeting some of the other grad students (and brian is already becoming fast friends with everyone, no surprise there right? he's quite a charmer i must say.)he is already getting so many ideas for his artwork, and i have been more encouraged to work on my stuff, too. which is a good thing. it is so cool to see him entering into a place where he will really thrive and grow. i can't wait to see what he makes. :)

and i am overall in flux. but excited. :) just in process...those of you who have moved to a completely new place can relate, i'm sure. :) one minute i will feel totally stoked and think i am adjusting quite well, then an hour later i will be confused and longing for familiarity. but these are all normal feelings i am told, and will continue to grow and change. so i have some hope in that. :)

anyways, i could be blogging a lot or a little in the future. we will just have to find out! but there have already been happenings in the areas of culture (lots of it here in jersey, people. all kinds and that i LOVE), new friends, church and growth/vision in our life. and it's only been three and a half weeks.

but a full and wild (and so unlike what we have experienced before) three weeks.

onward we go!