sketches on songs

there is a lot going on. it has been such a busy fall! there have been many awesome moments.

and there is presently ALOT going on in my head. more then i could articulate. the thoughts are in that "oh-my-goodness-what-exactly-am-i-thinking-i-keep-getting-distracted-from-figuring-it-out-and-by-the-time-am-back-to-thinking-there-is-oh-so-much-more-to-think-about" phase. but the sun and moon are still in the sky, god is good and love is all around, so i know it will all work out. :)

side note, i am going to be performing next weekend. at an event called arthouse. my friend pilar is going to harmonize with me, and i think it's going to be great.

i am excited. :)

and i finally decided to post some of the songs i have been working on. because i cannot do it on this blog, i will be starting a music blog in the next couple of weeks. i will make sure to let you know when it's up and ready!

i hope your fall has been full and rich, and that all our hearts are being prepared to enter into the christmas season.

(by the way, we have been to amazing, inspirational concerts this fall...DM Stith and Devendra were just amazing. and we were just in new york last night walking and watching ice skating the park and going to the chelsea market...oh how i love new york.)

Here are a couple of songs i have seen live in the past month. enjoy!

DM Stith - Around the Lion's Legs

http://www.imeem.com/people/P1lqUax/music/6Dm5EHZB/dm-stith-around-the-lion-legs-feat-sufjan-stevens-shara/

Devendra Banhart - Angelika

http://www.imeem.com/devendrabanhart/music/KEC5iqwR/devendra-banhart-angelika/

fun october fact about seventh ave.

we have a chinese chestnut tree in our front yard. and the chestnuts are ripe and ready to go.

or so i found out today.

you see, for the last couple of weeks, there have been some strange goings-on in our front yard. and the number of happenings has seemingly been increasing.

i started seeing an older chinese woman with a baby in a stroller in our front yard apparently looking in our bushes with a stick and walking around the perimeter of our yard, everyday at about 4pm.

then we started to see small groups throughout the day doing the same thing. weekdays, weekends, ever increasing.

we didn't really ask why, we just figured they knew our landlord and/or each other and our front yard was as good of a place as any to hang out.

then last night there was a family of four at 9pm with a rope slung about in the tree, and a couple of large buckets, in the dark, silently pulling on the rope and then stopping when we drove by. it was then that we started to think that something special was in the tree. the prickly things that brian was enjoying smashing on our way indoors must be something other than what we thought.

and at 6:30am this morning when i was leaving for work, and older chinese woman was in the front yard in the dark, with tte aid of a pin light putting these prickly treasures into her plastic bag.

brian did research and within minutes found out that what is on our front yard are coveted chinese chestnuts.

after talking with my co-worker, i guess that this kind of thing (the coming to your yard at all hours of the day and night to gather things like these, laden with ropes and buckets and bags) is quite normal around here.

two new drawings

here are two relatively new drawings.

i wish i had some music to post, but the tunes are still in the works. they are coming along, though. i hope to have something completed later this fall!

(i have not posted in a long time, i know. it has been a whirlwind of life here in the jers. sorry for the two month hiatus!)

wishing you rich fall days! more tales to come soon.

all in green my love went riding...

"all in green my love went riding
on a great horse of gold into the silver dawn..."

i was just re-reading some of e.e.cummings poems from tulips & chimneys...oh the wonder of e.e.cummings work. it always takes me somewhere else. makes me slow down, admire, dissect the words and spaces between. i start to look at my surroundings a little differently. if only i thought about my words and utilized them the way a poet does...but of course i usually am too quick to speak, and can struggle to communicate what i really want to say. at least in the heat of the moment. the blinding light of self-righteousness...
and i wistfully dream about really cherishing moments. fully living in them and knowing them and making them these sacred happenings that can be unique and amazing. i think e.e. cummings poetry often describes those kinds of moments to me.

here is another i was admiring:

i have found what you are like

i have found what you are like
the rain

(Who feathers frightened fields
with the superior dust-of-sleep. wields

easily the pale club of the wind
and swirled justly souls of flower strike

the air in utterable coolness

deeds of green thrilling light
with thinned
newfragile yellows
lurch and.press
--in the woods

which
stutter
and sing

and the coolness of your smile is
stirringofbirds between my arms;but
i should rather than anything
have(almost when hugeness will shut
quietly)almost,
your kiss

music to my ears

drum roll please....i am making music again.

nothing much yet. just a couple of ideas for songs recorded right now. nothing really that worked out...

but i am having fun and feeling creative and connected to this in a way i haven't in a LONG time.

the last few years, i have focused most of my creative energy on my drawings, which was very rewarding for me, and i don't regret it at all. but i have wanted so badly to be writing songs, and wanting to find a way to blend the visual things i love with music during this time, too. i tend to be pretty hard on myself with any musical output in general. this time around, instead of letting that keep me at square one, i decided i would just experiment and do some of the things i think about, and not care too much what the outcome was. i tried my hand at writing some new poetry (not so successful) and also picked up an old hymn book for inspiration (much more successful).

and i am hoping that this has started a new leaf in my creative life. that these lazy summer months (where most everyone we live life with here in NJ are gone...yikes!) would be more than time drifting by...if there's anything worth posting here, i will do that.
cheers to new leaves!

asking for things that seem too good to believe

(the first is four of my kids taken this week, the next two are pictures from amsterdam, and the last two are from our short time in lisbon, portugal.)

it's hard to believe we have been back from amsterdam for two weeks.

two weeks since we were living with brooke and allie (who couldn't have been better hosts and room mates). two weeks since adventures and laughter with the larsens and the rest of the wonderful people living there. days away from eating dutch apple cake, while watching people from all over the world meandering down the street. and thousands of miles away from riding bicycles through old cobbled alleys, by ingenious houseboats and canals and through markets teaming with life. two weeks since. in many ways it feels like we were just there, and in others, it feels far away...isn't it always like that when you travel somewhere that is different, but close to your heart?

our time there was kind of dream-like when we look back on it. not because we were totally wrapped up in the romance of being there (which at times we were), or because we couldn't fathom anything like that happening to us again (the opposite actually). we feel like we fell into a rhythm there. one that felt kind of strange to leave. one that felt so peaceful and natural we have a hard time explaining it to anyone, other than to say we want to live there. we prayed for things to be clear to us while we were there. and we feel like they were. in one of those god ways that is hard to confuse or make-up, even when you try. but there's an irony in feeling like we want to ask for something that seems to good and too big to actually work out. how could we ask for more when we've been given so much...?

but now we are back in nj. and feeling very comforted and thankful for our life here. our friends missed us while we were gone. and we missed them. we know the flow of our life here, and feel useful, which continues to amaze me, as we've only been here such a short time really. and we get to go back to ohio in a couple of weeks, do that easy 8 hour drive to see some of the people that are nearest to our hearts, and share our days with them in really physical ways that we no longer take for granted. 

and though amsterdam does feel a bit further away (it should, because technically it is, right?), we do still feel a strong desire and purpose that we felt while we were there. while living daily here. it's weird balancing-act, but we are praying for grace to do it well. fully knowing that ambiguity will be a dominant player in how these desires are going to work out during the next year. (and we are praying for it to be worked out in a year. hopefully it won't take longer then that...) 

on another note, it's the end of the school year for me. i have successfully finished a full year of teaching 8 three year olds (who are now turning four!), and didn't reach my limit, or fail terribly enough to lose my job, or realize that i am god-awful at teaching...which feels to be quite a feat in itself. i can't quite believe it when i think about it...

and we are amazed at the fact that we have been here almost one full year. one year spent further away from our friends and family then we have ever been. one year into building a new life from ground up, making new friends, finding new joy and challenges...

and hey, we are doing really well! amazing, right? we had no idea how it would go...but i will tell you that god is better then i ever think he'll be. more gracious, more generous, and has much bigger things in mind than my small things that always seem so big to me.

haven't had much to say

(three paintings that i love by Peter Doig. just because.)

so i keep waiting for something to appear in my brain that i am captivated by and inspired to write a blog entry about...

but this has not occurred. i know it's been a month and a half since i have last written. many things have happened. two more sets of visitors have come, brian is now done with his first year of school, i am almost done with my first year of teaching. 

but still, i just don't have very much to say. i usually do person to person, but not person to blog. must be one of those seasons.

(we are going to amsterdam in two weeks, though! cannot WAIT. and i am sure i will have plenty to say once we return from there...!)

and i leave you with this: (wonderful song, take a listen)

http://hypem.com/track/705352/The+Welcome+Wagon-Up+On+A+Mountain

ready for spring.

things have been great in the campbell household lately.

a bit crazy, but....

i guess just busy. through the first phase of adjustment. onward and upward 8 months into it.

which we have gone in and out of business since our move, but some of this is a new kind of busy.

the kind where we are getting more ingrained, involved, committed to our life here. which is both great and kinda weird at times. but not weird very often. mostly great. i would say...70 to 30. :)

great, as in, full and blessed, but stretching and challenging more muscles. we are SO a work in progress, right! i have been able to use some of my strengths in new ways.  i have also found things that used to come so naturally to me have gotten a bit rusty. and then there's the new things. 

at times i feel like the cat in the hat balancing some plates while riding a unicycle with those crazy hair creatures waiting for the cue to come a juggle around me. 

but then i talk to a couple of good friends from here and home who do WAY more than me, and have WAY more on their already full plate and i am reminded of how my plate can and should get bigger, even when the stretching hurts at first, it brings a usefulness and fullness to my life that is so empty when i am not willing and open with all of me.  then i see the light, fall short, get stronger, get weaker, get inspired and am longing for the cohesive seamlessness in my sometimes disparate interests and life happenings...

but it's so good really. and i am so thankful for the pouring out of goodness.

my job has gotten better and easier. or maybe i have just gotten a bit better at my job. we have good friends here. the kind we would miss if we left. the kind that make us better people. more than we asked for or thought we could find after leaving what we left in ohio. (our standards are THROUGH the ROOF with the example of quality and quantity of friends and amazing people in cbus...)

we feel we are getting more direction with things we are currently doing, and want to do. we have a lot of questions, the kind that can't be answered just yet, or maybe will take a long time to answer. but we are trusting that those things will get figured out. (and in the moments of not trusting, we remember the trusting times, and try to remind ourselves to let go.)

but there's goodness that surpasses my not goodness. my not-feeling-it-today-want-to crawl-in-a hole-falling-so-short-feeling-overwhelmed days. my open hands but clenched fingers days. and that is so great. more great and any great that could be talked about. completely magnificent. and for this i am SO thankful.

(pics of when kirsta and kyle visited are above. they couldn't be more of the great things we are thankful for. one of the best things in our life.)

it covers the hillsides.

we made a surprise visit to columbus this past weekend. it was so refreshing... and just a gift. there is something about connecting these two places on a whim that makes our life feel more cohesive. and it's so awesome that we can do that! there might be a time in our life where that is much harder to do than take a long weekend car-ride to connect things...

but when we come back here...i always wish in a more raw way for the two to be one...the kind where you feel the rawness in your chest, aching-like...

but in the car i was reminded of my thankfulness. i was listening to a new music mix, with my wonderful, dreamboat husband on my way to see and spend time with some of the people that are nearest and dearest in my heart; it was sunny and snowy and we were driving through the mountains in pennsylvania. it looked like a hudson river school painting.  brian and i were talking and just stopped to admire how majestic everything looked. purplely-pink, low contrast lighting, and rolling hillsides with trees, and small houses, and little cows dotted along...

i am thankful for this time of life. though the newness can be hard to swallow sometimes, i am thankful for the more time, for the new faces, new surroundings. my life has started to meld and mend into something that makes more sense in a bigger way. my following and wandering and waiting are bringing peace and joy to me lately. i feel like the pink sunlight that was covering the hillsides has been seeping into me as well.

things from our new life.

snow.

snow is magical. there is something about it that makes everything different.

i am re-reading "snow" by orhan pamuk. i like to read it during the wintry season, because the breathtaking descriptions in the book come alive in such an amazing way when it is actually snowing outside. (try it sometime. you won't regret it.)

we had this gorgeous snowfall last night. it covered everything in a blueish-white, fluffy powder: trees, cars, streets, people. throughout the book "snow" the main character Ka, connects God to snow. what it is, what it looks like, what it does to a situation; to who god is, what god makes things look like, or what god does. the magical, mysterious quality of it. it covers over our dirtiness, the things we do to our environment, both good and bad. everything changes shape completely when covered, and sound is suddenly softened. the tiniest movements are easier to focus on. snow makes everything appear to have a sameness and cohesiveness that isn't there after it melts...

i think people that don't like snow are missing out.

i'll try to post some pictures i took last night. :)

to be honest, this has been kind of a long week. maybe you have had one of those, too...

but here are some uplifting tidbits from the kids at school:

1. my kids like my clothes. you know you are doing something right (or maybe a little nutty, depending on how you look at it) when a lot of two and three year old girls like your sweaters and earrings, because of how sparkly, bright or big they are...yes some of my clothes are similar to those that i wore when i was five...

2.you learn how serious you are when you are around a bunch of children all day. i think i am pretty jovial, pretty fun and interesting. but there are those days when i can't seem to hold anyone's attention, and whatever i have planned from them to do is nowhere near as captivating as running around in circles or slamming a micro-machine into the wall...

i still have a lot to figure out.

i find myself dialoging (with yours truly) in my head during those times, "you need to lighten up...what could possibly change this situation to make the odds in your favor...what exactly am i missing here...?" not very many answers yet.

some quotes from the week:

1. (in response to me saying, "you are getting to be so grown-up!")

"usually i am a big boy, but sometimes i still poop in my pants. big boys might not do that too much, right?"

2. (in response to a conversation concerning winter animals, antarctica and humans freezing without special gear if they set foot in antarctica, unlike the winter animals that live there)

- me, "what keeps a whale warm in arctic temperatures?

- my class, "the ice, pizza, running around and a house"

- me, "what could we do if we went outside on a sunny day?"

- a little boy (with fair skin in my school), " the sun is hot. the sun will burn you. it is hot. the 

  sun will make you hurt and it is really hot." 

as you can tell this either happened, or a parent is trying to prevent it from happening.

3. (this one happened last week) "when i grow up i need to get big. big muscles. right now all the ladies think i am pretty cute, but i need some big muscles if that's gonna happen when i'm older."

and with that, i leave you.

"if you want to sing out, sing out

 and if you want to be free, be free

 'cause there's a million things to be you know that there are..."

oh cat stevens. or should i say yusuf islam. :) been listening a lot to him lately. such great stuff for the heart. :)

speaking of hearts, mine is breaking for palestine. i heard on the news today that red cross/red crescent keeps finding in the rubble and desecrated villages along the gaza strip, not bodies of palestinian soldiers (which would be heartbreaking enough), but of women and children. and the few that are still alive are little children that are sitting by their mothers who are no longer living, and they are so wounded and starved that they cannot walk. schools and homes are bombed out, not army territory. and no aid is getting through to these areas. and the death toll keeps climbing.

something needs to be done. god of mercy who forgives me, forgive this and heal this land.